To My Mother
I was longing for you so deeply and unbearably for so many years
That it left a huge hole of loneliness in my body
As unhealed wound it opened time to time
Until I managed not to feel it.. almost
I always knew it was there
As a dark, terrifying tumour
And I tried different remedies... that helped
I got other wounds and I didn’t have to feel this one
I hid, I escaped, I harmed myself and hurt others
Until one day I had my own children
Until one day I was brave enough to put my finger in that hole
I howled, I crawled, I wept, and I cried
The hole got bigger as if wanting to suck me in
I felt the convulsions as giving birth to pain and let them consume me
I was dying... I wasn’t sure I could take it much longer... and I begged for help
Then the Sea took the swelling away from my face and cooled me down
The Wind gently caressed my naked body
The Sun kissed and warmed up my skin
And my mother said in WhatsApp – everything is all right, don’t you worry, we love you
And then I remembered how wonderful Mother I have
Always caring and supporting unconditionally
Seeing only that hole from an early childhood
I stopped noticing how beautiful and loving she was later…
and now
I wish I was like my mother
With such an open and loving heart
I am so sorry
I love you, mom
I have received so much from you
Thank you
And painful tears began to wash away that Old Story…
